(This is more of a ramble of sorts that doesn’t really focus on anything it’s just scattered all over the place)
***
I write this as I sit on the beach, alone, looking after my friends’ belongings.
It is a sunny day; we were scared that the rain would pour and our plans would’ve been spoiled. But we are lucky.
1 – We are three friends, joined together by school; and a month later we shall be separated by geographical distance as we move on to the next stage of life: university.
One in the States, one in Britain and the last one still in Hong Kong. Miles apart. But I know we will stay friends. We’ve gone through so much in these few years.
I know we won’t be able to go on adventures like we used to, but at least we can update each other on life. Catch up via the convenience of digital networking, with video chats and messaging. Chat about the good old days.
Friendship is about learning to listen to your friend, to be happy for them when credit is given, to enjoy the moments between you two… to have fun. And there’s so much more.
But if I had to distill it into one sentence – id say that it is the little moments of joy, of laughter of love between.
the small things.
It’s always the little details that builds a person. Like how one person has to have a can of coke every morning they walk into the office. The way another person coughs when they’re lying. The way the smile lines form around the eyes when they’re truly happy.
Yeah, those.
Always the small things.
2 – University? It’s just like the Next Big Thing that we all look forward to.
This Next Big Thing shall be challenging in ways I’ve never encountered… ill have to resocialize, push myself out of my comfort zone, try new things… I can’t even start to imagine myself doing that.
I know that I’m the type of person who needs a lot of stability and safety to truly be myself. And that’s why I’m so worried about going to university in September: I am completely out of my element, thrust into a new foreign environment without parental support nor any old friends. Nothing to hold onto. You start from ground zero.
will they not like me? Will I be alone? Will I end up sticking with Cantonese people and not truly mingle with other people?
These questions plague and invade my mind so often I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s pushed aside temporarily, yes. But never gone.
I’m leaving Hong Kong and I know I’ll miss it so much. At least I feel at home here albeit disliking some parts of local culture. It’s a totally new culture out there.
will I not be able to fit in?? Will they look down on me?
That’s my biggest worry; I’m really scared that people in my flat won’t accept me. I’m so scared. Yes you may say that I’m overthinking, that things won’t be as bad as I make it out to be, but I am literally so anxious.
Yet I have to suck it up. I’m growing up and I will learn to adapt. I’m nearly 18.
Ah, the wonderful 18.
So much dread.
3 – The waves crash on the beach, creating a cacophonous roar that strangely seems calming to my ears. The sea is swirling, crying, just like me with my whirlpool of worries. But simultaneously it seems to be whispering to me it’s all alright it’s all alright it’s alright.
It is a sound of comfort, a blanket that washes over me and calms me.
And suddenly I feel reassured. Everything will be alright.
It will be.
Right?
[1:27pm, 13 August, 2018.]
sio 